Lately my life has been reduced to one purpose: figure out how to get what I want but don’t have. And since that list includes every important aspect of what makes life worth living, it’s pretty damn high on my list of priorities. In my desperation, I’ve abandoned all restraints, cut loose in search of anything that gives me a feeling of importance, no matter how temporary or cheap.
The other day, while I was so occupied, there was one stolen moment I cherished. I had a feeling of peace, contentment and the kind of affirmation you feel when you’re with someone who likes being with you. In that moment I felt peaceful, relaxed, happy and satisfied.
My whole life, I’ve been searching for that kind of feeling. Some people live in it, I’ve only seen glimpses of it.
Still, if my wish came true, I would give up all material possessions just to have that feeling linger and be part of my life.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
When you don't get what you want
Sometimes when I get a comment on one of my posts, I go back and read some of what I wrote earlier at different periods of time in my life. Occasionally I find that the words I've written during previous challenging times encourage my own heart now in this time.
I was reflecting on where I've been and where I am now when the phrase "abandon all restraints" came to mind.
I've prayed and prayed and so far haven't gotten what I wanted, so I kind of got mad and abandoned all restraints in that I've just been doing whatever I want, my conscience be damned. And so far, for the most part, my conscience has left me alone.
Except for the irritating feeling that I'm still not where I want to be and still don't have what I want and that I might be going about getting it the wrong way.
I was curious what I would find if I googled the phrase "abandon all restraints" so I did. I was expecting negative associations with this phrase, fire and brimstone preaching about "this is what will happen to you if you abandon all restraints" but this is what I found instead:
It is a long one, so I will give you the link where I found it. http://66.96.80.122/publications/sermons/jcbsermons/a-prayer-forallof-it.html
I am not posting the entire article. I cut out some of the ramblings inbetween what I thought was the main message. So, grab yourself a cup of coffee and take a break from whatever is on your mind that might be troubling you and see life through the eyes of a complete stranger for this small window of time.
Thank you to the author, Jan Carlsson-Bull whom I do not know
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Prayer for All of It
Jan Carlsson-Bull December 31, 2000
When I mentioned to a friend what I was going to preach about today, he went instantly into consultant mode. A Prayer for All of It, he mused. "Well, there's the Lord's Prayer." Most folks know about this. "And it's short." That's definitely a plus. But considering the times we live in, he noted, further brevity is called for, so why not boil it down to this? "Give me." Kind of like what we might have said to Santa, as those of us who are children sat wide-eyed on his lap, hoping for whatever, hyped with the hoping, consumed with consuming. There they are, God and Santa, with their interchangeable bag of goodies.
Far beneath the willful "Give me," whether directed to God or Santa, is, I think, a deeper longing, a longing that grows inside us as we grow inside ourselves. It's that longing to be filled with a knowledge of why we're here at all, an assurance that we matter, a sense of purpose and presence, perhaps even that understanding beyond understanding that our Buddhist friends call "the nature of mind." And it comes not through grasping, not through the Give me's, but through simple and disciplined pausing on the edge of our days and catching, in the words of Linda Rousseau, those "early morning streamings." It comes in opening the eyes of our soul to those "endless frames that disclose a deeper self" and take us on a journey beyond self.
I think that's what I was yearning for when, at the outset of this new year, I stood on a hillside in the Berkshires, in the shadows of a great bonfire. I breathed in the chill of the winter's night and gazed at stars that flamed millions of light-years away, beyond all season, barely within my understanding of time itself. I was part of it. I was a speck that mattered. I was matter that breathed with the universe. And so I greeted this year. Then back into the company of friends I walked, into the solid structure of a people-filled farmhouse, to hail once again what some call the new millennium.
"When trees rest, growing no leaves, gathering no light, they let in sky and trace themselves delicately against dawns and sunsets." How like those trees we are, when allowed for awhile to know the landscape in silhouette, to stand rooted with our bare bones into the frozen earth of winter, we let the sky in and trace ourselves against our dawns and sunsets.
How like those trees we are, when loss and trial render us inclined to utter only what matters. And uttering only what matters is speaking the language of prayer.
Every Christmas card and holiday greeting that arrives, I open with anticipation and apprehension. Will it just be a Merry Christmas or a Peace on Earth, greetings that leave me wondering about all that wasn't said? Will it be more than I ever wanted to know about what these folks are about-the menu at their family reunion, the exact route of their summer vacation? On occasion a greeting emerges that cradles the essence of what matters. This was the case when I opened the annual letter from those friends of many years who inhabit the farmhouse that overlooked that millennial bonfire in the Berkshires. It had been a year of profound loss and trial for these friends, and they began with a prayer shared at their Millennium celebration, a prayer that spoke to the year:
"Grant us the courage to cope creatively with the normal brokenness of life, that we might contribute to the sparkle and humor and beauty of the world."
How normal is life's brokenness! How accessible are life's sparkle and humor and beauty. It all came packaged in the words of a story sent to me by another friend, a story that could have happened to any of us. A mother tells this tale of her Christmas Gift:
We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Justin in a high chair. We looked over the menu and ordered. Suddenly, Justin squealed with delight and uttered a boisterous, "Hi! Hi!" He pounded his fat baby hands on his tray. His eyes were wide with excitement and his mouth widened in a toothless grin.
I looked around and spotted the source of his merriment-- a man with a tattered rag of a coat, filthy and worn. The zipper of his baggy pants was at half-mast and his toes poked out of his sorry shoes. His hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to tell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.
"Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Justin. My husband and I exchanged looks, "What do we do?" Justin continued to laugh and wave back. Everyone in the restaurant looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby.
Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, "Do ya know patty cake? Do ya know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo." Nobody thought this guy was cute. He was just drunk. We ate in embarrassed silence--except for Justin, who was running through his full repertoire for this admiring bum.
We got through our meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between the door and me.
"Just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Justin," I muttered. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him. As I did, Justin leaned over my arm, reaching with both of his in a baby's "pick-me-up" position. Before I could stop him, Justin had flung himself into the arms of this creature.
In an act of total trust, love, and submission, Justin laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and tears hovered beneath his lashes. His aged hands, full of grime, pain, and hard labor, gently, so gently, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time.
I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Justin in his arms for a moment, and then his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, "You take care of this baby." Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone. He pried Justin from his chest-unwillingly, longingly. I received my baby, as the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift."
I said nothing more than a tight-throated thanks. With Justin in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Justin so tightly. I had just experienced the spirit of Christmas through the innocence of a child who saw nothing amiss, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a woman of faith who was blind, holding a child of faith who was not. What could I say, but "Forgive me."
Our own prayers-with the brokenness we have known, the sparkle and pleasure and delight we have reveled in-come most freely when we pause on life's edge or are unexpectedly invited to life's edge, and utter simply what is there. Sometimes, it's an inevitable: "Forgive me" that rises up from an encounter we never could have predicted, never, but by which we are abundantly blessed.
I am reminded of the words we sang earlier:
"A life is made of many things: bright stars, bleak years, and broken rings,from deep despair and perished things a green shoot always, always springs, and something always, always sings."
If only we will still ourselves enough to hear the song. If only we will awaken in time to know those "early morning streamings." If only we will pause enough to consider that which comes from loosening the bonds of our oppressions. If only we will bare ourselves enough to let it all in, that we might let it all out. If only we will "cope creatively with the normal brokenness of life, that we might contribute to the sparkle and humor and beauty of the world."
"Give me" as the most spare and basic of prayers? Turn it inside out and know that "all life is a gift." Father Jean-Pierre de Caussade, a French Jesuit priest understood this well. From 300 years ago, he speaks to us this morning:
"God is telling you, dear sisters and brothers,
That if you abandon all restraints,
Carry your wishes to their farthest limits,
Open your heart boundlessly,
There is not a single moment when you will not be shown
Everything you can possibly wish for.
Souls who can recognize God
In the most trivial,
The most grievous and the most mortifying things
That happen to them in their lives,
Honour everything equally with delight and rejoicing,
And welcome with open arms
What others dread and avoid." Just as Justin welcomed with his open arms what others dread and avoid.
If I stand at the center of my own life, stand stark still at the very center of my own precious life, the prayer that rises up through the center of my being is this: Thank you.
I was reflecting on where I've been and where I am now when the phrase "abandon all restraints" came to mind.
I've prayed and prayed and so far haven't gotten what I wanted, so I kind of got mad and abandoned all restraints in that I've just been doing whatever I want, my conscience be damned. And so far, for the most part, my conscience has left me alone.
Except for the irritating feeling that I'm still not where I want to be and still don't have what I want and that I might be going about getting it the wrong way.
I was curious what I would find if I googled the phrase "abandon all restraints" so I did. I was expecting negative associations with this phrase, fire and brimstone preaching about "this is what will happen to you if you abandon all restraints" but this is what I found instead:
It is a long one, so I will give you the link where I found it. http://66.96.80.122/publications/sermons/jcbsermons/a-prayer-forallof-it.html
I am not posting the entire article. I cut out some of the ramblings inbetween what I thought was the main message. So, grab yourself a cup of coffee and take a break from whatever is on your mind that might be troubling you and see life through the eyes of a complete stranger for this small window of time.
Thank you to the author, Jan Carlsson-Bull whom I do not know
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Prayer for All of It
Jan Carlsson-Bull December 31, 2000
When I mentioned to a friend what I was going to preach about today, he went instantly into consultant mode. A Prayer for All of It, he mused. "Well, there's the Lord's Prayer." Most folks know about this. "And it's short." That's definitely a plus. But considering the times we live in, he noted, further brevity is called for, so why not boil it down to this? "Give me." Kind of like what we might have said to Santa, as those of us who are children sat wide-eyed on his lap, hoping for whatever, hyped with the hoping, consumed with consuming. There they are, God and Santa, with their interchangeable bag of goodies.
Far beneath the willful "Give me," whether directed to God or Santa, is, I think, a deeper longing, a longing that grows inside us as we grow inside ourselves. It's that longing to be filled with a knowledge of why we're here at all, an assurance that we matter, a sense of purpose and presence, perhaps even that understanding beyond understanding that our Buddhist friends call "the nature of mind." And it comes not through grasping, not through the Give me's, but through simple and disciplined pausing on the edge of our days and catching, in the words of Linda Rousseau, those "early morning streamings." It comes in opening the eyes of our soul to those "endless frames that disclose a deeper self" and take us on a journey beyond self.
I think that's what I was yearning for when, at the outset of this new year, I stood on a hillside in the Berkshires, in the shadows of a great bonfire. I breathed in the chill of the winter's night and gazed at stars that flamed millions of light-years away, beyond all season, barely within my understanding of time itself. I was part of it. I was a speck that mattered. I was matter that breathed with the universe. And so I greeted this year. Then back into the company of friends I walked, into the solid structure of a people-filled farmhouse, to hail once again what some call the new millennium.
"When trees rest, growing no leaves, gathering no light, they let in sky and trace themselves delicately against dawns and sunsets." How like those trees we are, when allowed for awhile to know the landscape in silhouette, to stand rooted with our bare bones into the frozen earth of winter, we let the sky in and trace ourselves against our dawns and sunsets.
How like those trees we are, when loss and trial render us inclined to utter only what matters. And uttering only what matters is speaking the language of prayer.
Every Christmas card and holiday greeting that arrives, I open with anticipation and apprehension. Will it just be a Merry Christmas or a Peace on Earth, greetings that leave me wondering about all that wasn't said? Will it be more than I ever wanted to know about what these folks are about-the menu at their family reunion, the exact route of their summer vacation? On occasion a greeting emerges that cradles the essence of what matters. This was the case when I opened the annual letter from those friends of many years who inhabit the farmhouse that overlooked that millennial bonfire in the Berkshires. It had been a year of profound loss and trial for these friends, and they began with a prayer shared at their Millennium celebration, a prayer that spoke to the year:
"Grant us the courage to cope creatively with the normal brokenness of life, that we might contribute to the sparkle and humor and beauty of the world."
How normal is life's brokenness! How accessible are life's sparkle and humor and beauty. It all came packaged in the words of a story sent to me by another friend, a story that could have happened to any of us. A mother tells this tale of her Christmas Gift:
We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Justin in a high chair. We looked over the menu and ordered. Suddenly, Justin squealed with delight and uttered a boisterous, "Hi! Hi!" He pounded his fat baby hands on his tray. His eyes were wide with excitement and his mouth widened in a toothless grin.
I looked around and spotted the source of his merriment-- a man with a tattered rag of a coat, filthy and worn. The zipper of his baggy pants was at half-mast and his toes poked out of his sorry shoes. His hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to tell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.
"Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Justin. My husband and I exchanged looks, "What do we do?" Justin continued to laugh and wave back. Everyone in the restaurant looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby.
Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, "Do ya know patty cake? Do ya know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo." Nobody thought this guy was cute. He was just drunk. We ate in embarrassed silence--except for Justin, who was running through his full repertoire for this admiring bum.
We got through our meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between the door and me.
"Just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Justin," I muttered. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him. As I did, Justin leaned over my arm, reaching with both of his in a baby's "pick-me-up" position. Before I could stop him, Justin had flung himself into the arms of this creature.
In an act of total trust, love, and submission, Justin laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and tears hovered beneath his lashes. His aged hands, full of grime, pain, and hard labor, gently, so gently, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time.
I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Justin in his arms for a moment, and then his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, "You take care of this baby." Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone. He pried Justin from his chest-unwillingly, longingly. I received my baby, as the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift."
I said nothing more than a tight-throated thanks. With Justin in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Justin so tightly. I had just experienced the spirit of Christmas through the innocence of a child who saw nothing amiss, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a woman of faith who was blind, holding a child of faith who was not. What could I say, but "Forgive me."
Our own prayers-with the brokenness we have known, the sparkle and pleasure and delight we have reveled in-come most freely when we pause on life's edge or are unexpectedly invited to life's edge, and utter simply what is there. Sometimes, it's an inevitable: "Forgive me" that rises up from an encounter we never could have predicted, never, but by which we are abundantly blessed.
I am reminded of the words we sang earlier:
"A life is made of many things: bright stars, bleak years, and broken rings,from deep despair and perished things a green shoot always, always springs, and something always, always sings."
If only we will still ourselves enough to hear the song. If only we will awaken in time to know those "early morning streamings." If only we will pause enough to consider that which comes from loosening the bonds of our oppressions. If only we will bare ourselves enough to let it all in, that we might let it all out. If only we will "cope creatively with the normal brokenness of life, that we might contribute to the sparkle and humor and beauty of the world."
"Give me" as the most spare and basic of prayers? Turn it inside out and know that "all life is a gift." Father Jean-Pierre de Caussade, a French Jesuit priest understood this well. From 300 years ago, he speaks to us this morning:
"God is telling you, dear sisters and brothers,
That if you abandon all restraints,
Carry your wishes to their farthest limits,
Open your heart boundlessly,
There is not a single moment when you will not be shown
Everything you can possibly wish for.
Souls who can recognize God
In the most trivial,
The most grievous and the most mortifying things
That happen to them in their lives,
Honour everything equally with delight and rejoicing,
And welcome with open arms
What others dread and avoid." Just as Justin welcomed with his open arms what others dread and avoid.
If I stand at the center of my own life, stand stark still at the very center of my own precious life, the prayer that rises up through the center of my being is this: Thank you.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Damn my conscience. Damn, damn, damn.
...I heard myself speak out loud as I drove home from my psychotherapy group pondering the assignment given on problem solving. I thought, "I wouldn't have this problem if I was comfortable living in sin." Ever since I became a Christian, my conscience wouldn't let me do what I want to do. At least not comfortably. My conscience has always betrayed me. But as a Christian, it's even worse. Or better, depending on your perspective. I still wait and hope for what seems to be impossible by the world's standards.
"I can't get no satisfaction, though I try, and I try..." But giving in to temptation is only temporary. I want the good, the lasting, the true. I've asked in Jesus name, I've knocked and am waiting for the door to be opened. I keep asking and knocking and waiting. How much longer? Is my answer no? There's so much I don't understand. Have I messed up so bad that even God can't make sence of my life now? I have no answers, only questions. And I don't know how not to want somethig I don't have.
I don't know about anyone else, but for me, it helps to understand the reasons why. If I knew the waiting would make sence someday, or if there is a purpose in it that I'm not aware of yet, maybe all this would be somehow easier.
Where does hope come from anyway? Does it suddently appear when you least expect it? Or is it like in the Wizard of Oz, something you've had all along? I better keep watch, just in case.
"I can't get no satisfaction, though I try, and I try..." But giving in to temptation is only temporary. I want the good, the lasting, the true. I've asked in Jesus name, I've knocked and am waiting for the door to be opened. I keep asking and knocking and waiting. How much longer? Is my answer no? There's so much I don't understand. Have I messed up so bad that even God can't make sence of my life now? I have no answers, only questions. And I don't know how not to want somethig I don't have.
I don't know about anyone else, but for me, it helps to understand the reasons why. If I knew the waiting would make sence someday, or if there is a purpose in it that I'm not aware of yet, maybe all this would be somehow easier.
Where does hope come from anyway? Does it suddently appear when you least expect it? Or is it like in the Wizard of Oz, something you've had all along? I better keep watch, just in case.
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Give Us Grace
For those of us who find ourselves going through depression and anxiety.
This is what came to my mind as I share with Lynne:
Give yourself grace. You didn't do anything wrong. What you are suffering is real, painful and uncomfortable. There is no shame in having experienced episodes of depression/anxiety. So many of us have also. The important thing is to recognize it and seek help as you have and continue to do. Fear of fear is a good way to describe the craziness of anxiety.
Anxiety is defined as: distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune. [He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.]
The example above illustrates that the fear of anxiety is based on what may or may not be true.
Look at it logically like computer programming language. If [fear] = True, then [Take Action A]. If [fear] = False, then [Take Action B].
I understand the feeling of grief while going through depression and anxiety. It is very real. But you can get through it as many times as you have to. Keep in close contact with your doctor regarding meds. Cry when you need to. It hurts but it is cleansing and does seem to release the painful emotions. If you have to, give yourself a set amount of time to cry and then be done with it and move onto something else. Eat, drink plenty of liquids and sleep, sleep, sleep when you can.
---
Other things I have found helpful while in the midst of turmoil are:
Stimulating other senses, such as sight, sound, smell, touch. This is soothing and distracts from the emotional pain. I find a hot bath comforting. Other suggestions are a hot drink, or cold drink. Going outside and touching surfaces with texture such as tree bark, rocks, leaves, etc. Taking pictures, painting, or some type of craft or hobby. Watching a movie or favorite TV program. Talking with a friend or family member. Smelling flowers or scented candles.
Please comment with other helpful ideas!
This is what came to my mind as I share with Lynne:
Give yourself grace. You didn't do anything wrong. What you are suffering is real, painful and uncomfortable. There is no shame in having experienced episodes of depression/anxiety. So many of us have also. The important thing is to recognize it and seek help as you have and continue to do. Fear of fear is a good way to describe the craziness of anxiety.
Anxiety is defined as: distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune. [He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.]
The example above illustrates that the fear of anxiety is based on what may or may not be true.
Look at it logically like computer programming language. If [fear] = True, then [Take Action A]. If [fear] = False, then [Take Action B].
I understand the feeling of grief while going through depression and anxiety. It is very real. But you can get through it as many times as you have to. Keep in close contact with your doctor regarding meds. Cry when you need to. It hurts but it is cleansing and does seem to release the painful emotions. If you have to, give yourself a set amount of time to cry and then be done with it and move onto something else. Eat, drink plenty of liquids and sleep, sleep, sleep when you can.
---
Other things I have found helpful while in the midst of turmoil are:
Stimulating other senses, such as sight, sound, smell, touch. This is soothing and distracts from the emotional pain. I find a hot bath comforting. Other suggestions are a hot drink, or cold drink. Going outside and touching surfaces with texture such as tree bark, rocks, leaves, etc. Taking pictures, painting, or some type of craft or hobby. Watching a movie or favorite TV program. Talking with a friend or family member. Smelling flowers or scented candles.
Please comment with other helpful ideas!
Freedom is Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Because we are vulnerable, we experience hurt in our lives. Pain resulting from a blow to our self-esteem can cause humiliation and shame. Although the injury may be imagined, we can feel real pain. If this turns into resentment we recall the painful details and feel the emotions of the experience as though it happened yesterday. The memory may seem haunting, and we will wish to be free of it.
Treatment can help us end dwelling on the past that resentments or holding grudges can cause. It may allow us to think about past grievances without feeling pain. We will see our lives as a journey where forgiveness serves as a way station where we can unload the extra luggage of resentments, and then we can travel more lightly and swiftly.
Resentment is the result of not forgiving. It makes us unwilling to let go of our past hurts, as though letting go somehow defeat our opportunity for justice. We will see that no matter how right we might feel resentment keep us “victims” and cannot protect us from “future hurt”. On the other hand, forgiveness often “frees” us of resentment, helping us to let go of the past and “heal old wounds.”
Forgiveness is important for three reasons. First, forgiveness frees us from resentment. Since resentment is the number one obstacle for many people in recovery programs, forgiveness is essential to our wellbeing. Forgiving lets go of any claim on another for retribution. “We do not seek revenge.” Second, forgiveness can heal relationships. It allows us to make progress in our lives. People who report being “stuck” in their recovery might examine whether or not they need to forgive someone in their past. Third, forgiveness leads to freedom, giving us more spiritual energy to concentrate on positive things. Forgiveness releases us from resentments that wear us out spiritually and psychologically.
It is also important that we know what forgiving does not do. Forgiving does not change the other person or protect us from future harm. Forgiveness is not a suit of armor that shields us from injury, nor does it give license to others to do whatever they want to us in the future. Although forgiving releases others from any claims we have on them, it does not release them from their conscience of legal consequences of their behavior. Forgiveness does not excuse us from responsibly confronting or informing people of we were hurt or injured by their behavior.
When we forgive others we pardon them for a fault or an offense-we let go of any anger or resentment against them. We stop acting like a judge waiting to pass sentence. We grant pardon without holding a grudge.
The act of forgiveness frees us from resentments. Forgiveness is letting go of painful memories. As we forgive we let go of the pain and punishment we inflicted upon ourselves by holding a grudge. Once we let go of the resentment, once we forgive a person, we are relieved of our burden and we open ourselves to receive the gift of “serenity”. The door to our mental prison swings open and we find ourselves on a spiritual hilltop overlooking a valley of peace. We see we were not diminished by forgiving, but empowered. Forgiveness is an act of freedom.
-Author unknown
Self-discipline: correction or regulation of oneself for the sake of improvement
Self-punishment: severe, rough, or disastrous treatment of oneself
Self-pity: indulgent dwelling on one’s sorrows or misfortune
Forgive: to pardon; show mercy to
Mercy: a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion
Matthew 6:12 and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
Thank you to David for sending me this article to encourage us all.
Because we are vulnerable, we experience hurt in our lives. Pain resulting from a blow to our self-esteem can cause humiliation and shame. Although the injury may be imagined, we can feel real pain. If this turns into resentment we recall the painful details and feel the emotions of the experience as though it happened yesterday. The memory may seem haunting, and we will wish to be free of it.
Treatment can help us end dwelling on the past that resentments or holding grudges can cause. It may allow us to think about past grievances without feeling pain. We will see our lives as a journey where forgiveness serves as a way station where we can unload the extra luggage of resentments, and then we can travel more lightly and swiftly.
Resentment is the result of not forgiving. It makes us unwilling to let go of our past hurts, as though letting go somehow defeat our opportunity for justice. We will see that no matter how right we might feel resentment keep us “victims” and cannot protect us from “future hurt”. On the other hand, forgiveness often “frees” us of resentment, helping us to let go of the past and “heal old wounds.”
Forgiveness is important for three reasons. First, forgiveness frees us from resentment. Since resentment is the number one obstacle for many people in recovery programs, forgiveness is essential to our wellbeing. Forgiving lets go of any claim on another for retribution. “We do not seek revenge.” Second, forgiveness can heal relationships. It allows us to make progress in our lives. People who report being “stuck” in their recovery might examine whether or not they need to forgive someone in their past. Third, forgiveness leads to freedom, giving us more spiritual energy to concentrate on positive things. Forgiveness releases us from resentments that wear us out spiritually and psychologically.
It is also important that we know what forgiving does not do. Forgiving does not change the other person or protect us from future harm. Forgiveness is not a suit of armor that shields us from injury, nor does it give license to others to do whatever they want to us in the future. Although forgiving releases others from any claims we have on them, it does not release them from their conscience of legal consequences of their behavior. Forgiveness does not excuse us from responsibly confronting or informing people of we were hurt or injured by their behavior.
When we forgive others we pardon them for a fault or an offense-we let go of any anger or resentment against them. We stop acting like a judge waiting to pass sentence. We grant pardon without holding a grudge.
The act of forgiveness frees us from resentments. Forgiveness is letting go of painful memories. As we forgive we let go of the pain and punishment we inflicted upon ourselves by holding a grudge. Once we let go of the resentment, once we forgive a person, we are relieved of our burden and we open ourselves to receive the gift of “serenity”. The door to our mental prison swings open and we find ourselves on a spiritual hilltop overlooking a valley of peace. We see we were not diminished by forgiving, but empowered. Forgiveness is an act of freedom.
-Author unknown
Self-discipline: correction or regulation of oneself for the sake of improvement
Self-punishment: severe, rough, or disastrous treatment of oneself
Self-pity: indulgent dwelling on one’s sorrows or misfortune
Forgive: to pardon; show mercy to
Mercy: a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion
Matthew 6:12 and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
Thank you to David for sending me this article to encourage us all.
Monday, November 15, 2010
I am absolutely sure...
I am absolutely sure that we all need to laugh more, have more fun, make more friends and have more conversations.
Life is too short not to enjoy it.
Life is too short not to enjoy it.
To all who are hurting emotionally and who feel lost and alone...
You are not alone!
Many times I have reached out to try to help people who suffer like I have. Some efforts have failed. Sometimes I've given up. But every now and again I receive an email from someone who by some small chance, came across this blog out of all the blogs in all the world.
Every so often I hear from one or two who are just looking for one person who will hear their cry for help.
Even thought the small group I started once does not exist anymore and I no longer go to the same church because I've moved away from there. I still get an email once in a while from people who are just desperately searching for someone, anyone who will listen.
I am nobody important. I have no power or influence. I'm not popular.
But I do know what it feels like to suffer emotionally with depression even though the sun is shining.
I know what it feels like to be so full of anxiety that I get sick and hurt all over.
I know what loneliness feels like and what rejection feels like.
I know what it feels like to yearn for something and not be satisfied.
For those of you who have somehow, by some miracle or divine intervention, stumbled across these words in this blog I say to you...
I care.
I understand.
You are not alone.
There is help.
Depression and anxiety can be treated.
You do not have to suffer through life until it is over.
Please please please do not entertain those thoughts of suicide.
How can a train go through a mountain?
There is only one way.
By going through the tunnel.
It will be dark for a while, but there is light and freedom on the other side.
So hold on my friend.
Just like I am.
Maybe we will meet some day in eternity in heaven and rejoice because even though we've never met, our paths crossed and it made a difference.
If anyone reads this post who hasn't received the gift of salvation by the forgiveness of sins through Jesus Christ.
Know this:
The gift is free.
The penalty of sin has been paid.
Your debt is cancelled, your sins are forgiven.
Thank Jesus, the son of God for giving his life on the cross willingly so that we all can be right with God and rejoice with Him for eternity. There we will live in the light of Him who is Love. And we will know love. And He will wipe away all our tears. And He will smile upon us with delight.
The LORD bless you
and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace. Numbers 6:22-26
Many times I have reached out to try to help people who suffer like I have. Some efforts have failed. Sometimes I've given up. But every now and again I receive an email from someone who by some small chance, came across this blog out of all the blogs in all the world.
Every so often I hear from one or two who are just looking for one person who will hear their cry for help.
Even thought the small group I started once does not exist anymore and I no longer go to the same church because I've moved away from there. I still get an email once in a while from people who are just desperately searching for someone, anyone who will listen.
I am nobody important. I have no power or influence. I'm not popular.
But I do know what it feels like to suffer emotionally with depression even though the sun is shining.
I know what it feels like to be so full of anxiety that I get sick and hurt all over.
I know what loneliness feels like and what rejection feels like.
I know what it feels like to yearn for something and not be satisfied.
For those of you who have somehow, by some miracle or divine intervention, stumbled across these words in this blog I say to you...
I care.
I understand.
You are not alone.
There is help.
Depression and anxiety can be treated.
You do not have to suffer through life until it is over.
Please please please do not entertain those thoughts of suicide.
How can a train go through a mountain?
There is only one way.
By going through the tunnel.
It will be dark for a while, but there is light and freedom on the other side.
So hold on my friend.
Just like I am.
Maybe we will meet some day in eternity in heaven and rejoice because even though we've never met, our paths crossed and it made a difference.
If anyone reads this post who hasn't received the gift of salvation by the forgiveness of sins through Jesus Christ.
Know this:
The gift is free.
The penalty of sin has been paid.
Your debt is cancelled, your sins are forgiven.
Thank Jesus, the son of God for giving his life on the cross willingly so that we all can be right with God and rejoice with Him for eternity. There we will live in the light of Him who is Love. And we will know love. And He will wipe away all our tears. And He will smile upon us with delight.
The LORD bless you
and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace. Numbers 6:22-26
When help is a long time coming
What do you do when help doesn't come and seems like it never will?
Wait.
What do you do when help seems impossible?
Wait.
What do you do when it seems like no one cares enough to help?
Wait.
What do you do when all hope seems lost?
Wait.
I guess when you don't know what to do, all you can do is wait until you do.
I'm still waiting.
When it's hard to believe God is involved in my life, I can at least believe in His character.
Because if there's one thing I believe for sure is that God is not like human beings.
He created the earth and everything in it.
Who else could create a creature like the Pepa Pepa, a frog that births babies on their backs and they come out of little holes in the skin like some kind of crazy alien!
Or fish that light up in the blackness of the bottom of the sea.
Or milkweed which unfolds to release its seeds on the breath of the wind in an amazing geometric design.
Or birds that dance and can flash colors of light on their feathers.
I always feel more peaceful surrounded by nature.
Wait.
What do you do when help seems impossible?
Wait.
What do you do when it seems like no one cares enough to help?
Wait.
What do you do when all hope seems lost?
Wait.
I guess when you don't know what to do, all you can do is wait until you do.
I'm still waiting.
When it's hard to believe God is involved in my life, I can at least believe in His character.
Because if there's one thing I believe for sure is that God is not like human beings.
He created the earth and everything in it.
Who else could create a creature like the Pepa Pepa, a frog that births babies on their backs and they come out of little holes in the skin like some kind of crazy alien!
Or fish that light up in the blackness of the bottom of the sea.
Or milkweed which unfolds to release its seeds on the breath of the wind in an amazing geometric design.
Or birds that dance and can flash colors of light on their feathers.
I always feel more peaceful surrounded by nature.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Twin Cities Support Groups
http://www.mentalhealthmn.org/index.asp?Type=B_BASIC&SEC={A133E048-EB1E-446C-9443-0D2FCCDCCA3A}&DE={D6C99522-F82A-43D2-811E-EC47CBA58B00}
Twin Cities support groups via the link above
Twin Cities support groups via the link above
NAMI support groups
http://www.namihelps.org/support/support-groups.html
NAMI support groups listed from the link above.
NAMI support groups listed from the link above.
Nationwide Support Group Finder
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=support_findsupport
Use the link above to find a support group in your state.
Use the link above to find a support group in your state.
New Links Added in the Right Column
Check out the new links listed to the right. There is an online forum for depression/anxiety issues that has a live chat feature. While searching for local support groups, I came across some other helpful links as well.
Fresh Start Life Groups
https://freshwaterchurch.ctsmemberconnect.net/home-ctrl.do?view=3&grpId=21915
Sheaves of Joy support group at Fresh Start is currently not in session. In the fall, I plan to start the group up again with a book discussion on The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee.
14 weeks, first night for introductions and book distribution.
Chapter Titles:
1. The Light Comes On
2. The Origin of the Search
3. The Performance Trap
4. God's Answer: Justification
5. Approval Addict
6. God's Answer: Reconciliation
7. The Blame Game
8. God's Answer: Propitiation
9. Shame
10. God's Answer: Regeneration
11. Agent of Change
12. Guilt versus Conviction
13. The Trip In
I've been attending Life Recovery 12-step group. Normally associated with alcohol and drug addiction support, this group is for anyone struggling with a life issue. The steps can be applied in any life crisis where life has become unmanageable. I find it very helpful. Life Recovery is one of the Fresh Start Groups that will continue to meet throughout the summer.
Sheaves of Joy support group at Fresh Start is currently not in session. In the fall, I plan to start the group up again with a book discussion on The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee.
14 weeks, first night for introductions and book distribution.
Chapter Titles:
1. The Light Comes On
2. The Origin of the Search
3. The Performance Trap
4. God's Answer: Justification
5. Approval Addict
6. God's Answer: Reconciliation
7. The Blame Game
8. God's Answer: Propitiation
9. Shame
10. God's Answer: Regeneration
11. Agent of Change
12. Guilt versus Conviction
13. The Trip In
I've been attending Life Recovery 12-step group. Normally associated with alcohol and drug addiction support, this group is for anyone struggling with a life issue. The steps can be applied in any life crisis where life has become unmanageable. I find it very helpful. Life Recovery is one of the Fresh Start Groups that will continue to meet throughout the summer.
Monday Night Support Groups at Evergreen
http://www.evergreencc.com/support_recovery/index.shtml
Evergreen's support ministry is no longer called Soul Renewal, but is under the Monday Nights at Evergreen activities.
Monday Nights at Evergreen are filled with hope.
This all-location event includes tools and people to help us get back and stay "on track" in life. We meet weekly from 7:00-8:30 PM through May 2009 in Evergreen-Bloomington's North Hall (Door H) at 2300 East 88th Street Bloomington. Childcare is provided for kids too young for the Job Group.
OUR PURPOSE
Our purpose is to provide support for those seeking freedom from self-destructive lifestyles. We provide a safe place to learn of deliverance and God’s healing power in weekly meetings run by those who are in recovery from the same self-destructive tendencies. We seek to provide ongoing support and growth opportunities for those who are recovering, ensuring continued growth toward integrity in all areas of life.
WHO WE ARE
Those of us who are involved in this program have struggled with issues such as drug addiction, alcoholism, pornography, gambling, uncontrollable anger/fear, depression, and eating disorders. We had tried to change our ways and did better for a while, then we went back to our old ways, if not worse. Cleaning up one area just led to new trouble somewhere else in our lives. We could not change on our own. By recognizing our powerlessness over our tendencies and turning our lives and wills over to God, we were able to begin a lasting process of recovery. Meeting weekly, we make the effort to support each other as we recover from addictive and codependent lifestyles.
STEPS
The Steps to Sanity program is a simple “12 Step” program of recovery. We recognize that lifestyle changes require a process (steps) and generally do not occur instantaneously. By utilizing steps that have worked for thousands of people over the years, we see results that go beyond freedom from alcoholism or drug addiction. These steps start with acknowledging that we have a problem too big for ourselves – problems that we have not been able to control or fix. They go on to point out that only a power greater than ourselves can deliver us, and that God could and would if He were sought. The program goes on to focus on living life in communion with God. These steps move us to integrity in all areas of our lives and result in spiritual growth. This growth creates peace, serenity, joy, and most importantly, a stronger personal relationship with God and others.
Steps to Sanity
7:00-8:30 PM through May 2009 in Evergreen-Bloomington's North Hall (Door H) at 2300 East 88th Street Bloomington
(just south of the Mall of America)
Evergreen's support ministry is no longer called Soul Renewal, but is under the Monday Nights at Evergreen activities.
Monday Nights at Evergreen are filled with hope.
This all-location event includes tools and people to help us get back and stay "on track" in life. We meet weekly from 7:00-8:30 PM through May 2009 in Evergreen-Bloomington's North Hall (Door H) at 2300 East 88th Street Bloomington. Childcare is provided for kids too young for the Job Group.
OUR PURPOSE
Our purpose is to provide support for those seeking freedom from self-destructive lifestyles. We provide a safe place to learn of deliverance and God’s healing power in weekly meetings run by those who are in recovery from the same self-destructive tendencies. We seek to provide ongoing support and growth opportunities for those who are recovering, ensuring continued growth toward integrity in all areas of life.
WHO WE ARE
Those of us who are involved in this program have struggled with issues such as drug addiction, alcoholism, pornography, gambling, uncontrollable anger/fear, depression, and eating disorders. We had tried to change our ways and did better for a while, then we went back to our old ways, if not worse. Cleaning up one area just led to new trouble somewhere else in our lives. We could not change on our own. By recognizing our powerlessness over our tendencies and turning our lives and wills over to God, we were able to begin a lasting process of recovery. Meeting weekly, we make the effort to support each other as we recover from addictive and codependent lifestyles.
STEPS
The Steps to Sanity program is a simple “12 Step” program of recovery. We recognize that lifestyle changes require a process (steps) and generally do not occur instantaneously. By utilizing steps that have worked for thousands of people over the years, we see results that go beyond freedom from alcoholism or drug addiction. These steps start with acknowledging that we have a problem too big for ourselves – problems that we have not been able to control or fix. They go on to point out that only a power greater than ourselves can deliver us, and that God could and would if He were sought. The program goes on to focus on living life in communion with God. These steps move us to integrity in all areas of our lives and result in spiritual growth. This growth creates peace, serenity, joy, and most importantly, a stronger personal relationship with God and others.
Steps to Sanity
7:00-8:30 PM through May 2009 in Evergreen-Bloomington's North Hall (Door H) at 2300 East 88th Street Bloomington
(just south of the Mall of America)
Bridges at Stone Creek
http://www.bridgesatstonecreek.com/
Bridges at Stone Creek is intensive outpatient mental health therapy by Northland Counseling in Chanhassen Minnesota.
I recently went through Bridges at Stone Creek and found it extremely helpful. The program runs anywhere from 12 to 20 days depending on the needs of the individual. Bridges works in conjunction with Northland Counseling and Stone Creek Psychiatry. Many people who go through the program see a counselor at Northland and are assessed by a psychiatrist from Stone Creek Psychiatry.
Those who enter Bridges often come into the program after having a mental health crisis. This intensive treatment gives ample time and resources for healing and recovery. Aftercare groups meet on Thursdays from 5:30-7:30p.m. at Bridges.
The program is structured into three sections with breaks between each. The first session is group therapy which goes from 9:00-10:30a.m. This group is very helpful especially for those who have been isolated in their emotional struggle.
The second session from 10:30-11:30a.m. is led by Hal Baumchen, co-author of Finding Hope Again. Hal covers information that is helpful in understanding mental health issues, relationships, and communication.
The third session raps up the day at 12:30p.m. and offers life skills for distress management. These are skills that can be learned for managing anxiety and depression.
Covered by most health insurance, this program is an excellent choice of treatment for mental health in a warm, friendly atmosphere.
Bridges at Stone Creek is intensive outpatient mental health therapy by Northland Counseling in Chanhassen Minnesota.
I recently went through Bridges at Stone Creek and found it extremely helpful. The program runs anywhere from 12 to 20 days depending on the needs of the individual. Bridges works in conjunction with Northland Counseling and Stone Creek Psychiatry. Many people who go through the program see a counselor at Northland and are assessed by a psychiatrist from Stone Creek Psychiatry.
Those who enter Bridges often come into the program after having a mental health crisis. This intensive treatment gives ample time and resources for healing and recovery. Aftercare groups meet on Thursdays from 5:30-7:30p.m. at Bridges.
The program is structured into three sections with breaks between each. The first session is group therapy which goes from 9:00-10:30a.m. This group is very helpful especially for those who have been isolated in their emotional struggle.
The second session from 10:30-11:30a.m. is led by Hal Baumchen, co-author of Finding Hope Again. Hal covers information that is helpful in understanding mental health issues, relationships, and communication.
The third session raps up the day at 12:30p.m. and offers life skills for distress management. These are skills that can be learned for managing anxiety and depression.
Covered by most health insurance, this program is an excellent choice of treatment for mental health in a warm, friendly atmosphere.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Where is God in the Wilderness?
This is something I wrote in my journal Sept. 17th 2004.
Where is God in the Wilderness?
Where you need Him the most.
When you trudge along and have to stop to take a rock out of your shoe. He is the rock you sit on to rest while you get out the thing that's been irritating you. God was in the resting place.
When it's been a hectic day and everything went wrong and you need some peace or you'll go mad, you open the window to get some air and are surprised at what you don't hear. No dog barking, no cars driving by, no airplanes overhead—just the sound of the wind in the trees and crickets. You take a deep breath and decide to enjoy the moment as a gift from God. Then a dog barks, a car drives by, and an airplane flies overhead. But that was your moment. God was in the silence.
It's hot in the desert place. You keep moving forward because you don't know what else to do. But you're getting weary. You're about to faint when a cool breeze blows in from the north and a gentle rain begins to fall. God was in the refreshment.
You are going through a "dark night of the soul." You are tired of struggling and feeling all alone. Just as you think you can't go on another day, the phone rings. It's a friend feeling led to pray for you. God was in the encouragement.
I've come out of the wilderness with compassion for those children of God who have lost their way and for those who don't know God's forgiveness. And with a vision for ministry. A vehicle. God's holy taxi :) to take people from the dark places into the presence of God.
To hear God in the wilderness we have to come to the end of ourselves by seeing what's in our heart and then watch, wait and listen.
He will be where you need Him the most at the time.
Where is God in the Wilderness?
Where you need Him the most.
When you trudge along and have to stop to take a rock out of your shoe. He is the rock you sit on to rest while you get out the thing that's been irritating you. God was in the resting place.
When it's been a hectic day and everything went wrong and you need some peace or you'll go mad, you open the window to get some air and are surprised at what you don't hear. No dog barking, no cars driving by, no airplanes overhead—just the sound of the wind in the trees and crickets. You take a deep breath and decide to enjoy the moment as a gift from God. Then a dog barks, a car drives by, and an airplane flies overhead. But that was your moment. God was in the silence.
It's hot in the desert place. You keep moving forward because you don't know what else to do. But you're getting weary. You're about to faint when a cool breeze blows in from the north and a gentle rain begins to fall. God was in the refreshment.
You are going through a "dark night of the soul." You are tired of struggling and feeling all alone. Just as you think you can't go on another day, the phone rings. It's a friend feeling led to pray for you. God was in the encouragement.
I've come out of the wilderness with compassion for those children of God who have lost their way and for those who don't know God's forgiveness. And with a vision for ministry. A vehicle. God's holy taxi :) to take people from the dark places into the presence of God.
To hear God in the wilderness we have to come to the end of ourselves by seeing what's in our heart and then watch, wait and listen.
He will be where you need Him the most at the time.
Finding Hope Again mid session recap...
Mid session recap of chapters 1-5 of Finding Hope Again 8-part series.
We are currently half way through the 8-part series of Finding Hope Again by Neil Anderson and Hal Baumchen.
All of you have not been able to attend all four previous lessons, so here is a recap of what we've covered so far.
The first three chapters set the foundation for the entire session, beginning with identifying what depression is and how it affects body, soul and spirit. An important part of the foundation is understanding how depression affects the body and the difference between brain vs. mind.
Chapter four entitled "Overcoming Hopelessness" establishes hope as the anchor of our soul and clearly outlines our identity in Christ, which is crucial to developing a perspective based on the truth of God's Word.
Chapter 5 and 6 were not part of the video series so we've skipped those chapters in the book in our discussion, but they are very important chapters entitled: Knowing Your Heavenly Father and Knowing Yourself.
Chapter 8 is Dealing with Loss. I found this chapter extremely helpful. It explains how to get out of the rut of the cycle of grief. As this book has shown by building a foundation from the beginning, thoughts must change in order for feelings to change. Beliefs set up a foundation for how we respond and interact in the world and people around us. This chapter reveals the key: perception. In any crisis, the first step is to define the crisis and put it in the proper perspective.
1. The Agony of Depression
The scope of the problem is identified as a sad epidemic, the common cold of mental illness. At the time of publishing, 10 million people in the U.S. suffer with depression and increasing at an alarming rate.
• Depression is a complex physical, emotional and spiritual struggle.
• A balanced treatment examines all three areas. Christian support is more common today than it use to be. Christians need not feel ashamed or guilty for having these feelings.
• Depression is defined and physical symptoms are identified
• Mental and emotional symptoms are identified
• Depression self-diagnosis chart
• Emotional pain as a warning signal to "check under the hood" to see what's wrong
2. The Agony of the Body
Faith does not contradict science
• We are triune beings (body, soul, spirit) created in God's image
• The brain is basically meat, it functions like computer hardware
• The mind is a product of the soul, it functions like software you load onto the hardware
• Medication can help, but only treats the physical aspect of our being (body)
• Sometimes medication may be necessary in order to function properly and/or be able to think clearly enough to address possible causes
• There is no "magic" pill. Medication needs vary with each individual. Doctors rely on documented results and patient input for diagnosis since the brain cannot be monitored with an outside device.
• Treating the whole person
• A balanced perspective must include physical, emotional and spiritual causes and cures
• Blaming the depressed person can be detrimental to recovery [over spiritualization or condemnation]
Focusing on the "software"
• We have limited control over physical causes but we can change what we think and believe
3. The Agony of the Soul
"Hardware" (brain) vs. "Software" (mind)
• The brain records input from the external world through the five senses (hardware)
• The mind compiles and interprets the data (software)
• Past experience affects our world view and attitudes about life
• Beliefs systems are formed which affect how we respond
• Without the Gospel we would just be a product of our past, but when we are born again we become a new creation
• As Christians, we have new internal input (the Spirit of truth leads us into all truth that sets us free)
• Emotions are primarily a product of our thoughts
• How we feel is determined by what we believe
• Beliefs must be examined in a biblical worldview and true perspective of God
• How we feel affects how we act
• Taking every thought captive and examining it in the light of truth
4. Overcoming Hopelessness
• The lie of hopelessness
—Hope is the anchor of our soul (Heb. 6:17-19)
—False perceptions affect outlook
• Hope is the present assurance of some future good
—Hope is like the parent of faith
—Hope in God does not disappoint
• Challenges to hope
• Hope makes the difference, maintain hope in times of trial:
—Fix your eyes on Jesus, author and finisher of our faith
—Hope in God, not circumstances
—Truth begins with truth about God
Dealing with Loss, Chapter 8
a.Preparing for Impermanence
Hope is not in permanence or lack of trials & tribulations. Hope lies in the proven character that comes from persevering through them. Likewise, hope is not in preservation (or protection) of physical bodies, but in the resurrection.
How does a perspective of impermanence, rather than permanence help you to cope in times of crisis?
b. Stages of Grief (see page 216)
Grief and reactive depression can arise from any crisis that interferes with well-intentioned or meaningful plans. Hope is in the finished work of Christ.
Those who find their identity, security and sense of worth in the natural order of things will lose it. Destructive reactive depression signifies an over-attachment to people, places, ideas and things that we have no right or ability to control.
In what way is it helpful to see the cycle of the stages of grief?
c. Explanatory Styles (Why some recover faster than others)
1. The difference is in the way we perceive events that befall us. We interpret trials and tribulations through the grid of our previous learning experiences. We attempt to explain what happened and why it happened. How we explain difficult circumstances and painful events is drawn from our beliefs about God, ourselves, others and the way we think the world works.
2. We come to a crossroads: we can believe the situation is permanent and resign, or see it as impermanent and accept it, saying “I can’t change what happened, but by the grace of God, I can change myself. I can come through this crisis a better person.” How we respond to loss determines whether the crisis makes us or breaks us.
3. Pervasiveness is projecting the experience of loss onto every area of life.
(“My whole life is ruined”) vs. (“I am experiencing a loss in an area of my life”)
If we think our problems will negatively affect us all our lives, then we will become pessimistic, believe that the situation is hopeless and consequently feel depressed.
Since thoughts are beliefs and beliefs affect feelings, in what ways do pervasive thoughts affect your outlook and thereby feelings?
d. Getting out of the Rut
Perspective needs to change (which affects beliefs) from…
Personal: “I’m the problem” to Impersonal: “It’s a problem”
Pervasive: “In everything” to Specific: “In this one thing”
Permanent: “Forever” to Temporary: “For a season”
What other thoughts or feelings are attached to personal, pervasive and permanent modes of thinking listed above?
What other thoughts or feelings are attached to impersonal, specific and temporary modes of thinking listed above?
e. Losses: Are they real, imagined or threatened? First step is to define the crisis and put it into the proper perspective.
Would there be any difference in the experience of loss whether real or imagined?
Would there be any difference in the feelings associated with an imagined or threatened loss once it is looked at with a realistic perspective?
We are currently half way through the 8-part series of Finding Hope Again by Neil Anderson and Hal Baumchen.
All of you have not been able to attend all four previous lessons, so here is a recap of what we've covered so far.
The first three chapters set the foundation for the entire session, beginning with identifying what depression is and how it affects body, soul and spirit. An important part of the foundation is understanding how depression affects the body and the difference between brain vs. mind.
Chapter four entitled "Overcoming Hopelessness" establishes hope as the anchor of our soul and clearly outlines our identity in Christ, which is crucial to developing a perspective based on the truth of God's Word.
Chapter 5 and 6 were not part of the video series so we've skipped those chapters in the book in our discussion, but they are very important chapters entitled: Knowing Your Heavenly Father and Knowing Yourself.
Chapter 8 is Dealing with Loss. I found this chapter extremely helpful. It explains how to get out of the rut of the cycle of grief. As this book has shown by building a foundation from the beginning, thoughts must change in order for feelings to change. Beliefs set up a foundation for how we respond and interact in the world and people around us. This chapter reveals the key: perception. In any crisis, the first step is to define the crisis and put it in the proper perspective.
1. The Agony of Depression
The scope of the problem is identified as a sad epidemic, the common cold of mental illness. At the time of publishing, 10 million people in the U.S. suffer with depression and increasing at an alarming rate.
• Depression is a complex physical, emotional and spiritual struggle.
• A balanced treatment examines all three areas. Christian support is more common today than it use to be. Christians need not feel ashamed or guilty for having these feelings.
• Depression is defined and physical symptoms are identified
• Mental and emotional symptoms are identified
• Depression self-diagnosis chart
• Emotional pain as a warning signal to "check under the hood" to see what's wrong
2. The Agony of the Body
Faith does not contradict science
• We are triune beings (body, soul, spirit) created in God's image
• The brain is basically meat, it functions like computer hardware
• The mind is a product of the soul, it functions like software you load onto the hardware
• Medication can help, but only treats the physical aspect of our being (body)
• Sometimes medication may be necessary in order to function properly and/or be able to think clearly enough to address possible causes
• There is no "magic" pill. Medication needs vary with each individual. Doctors rely on documented results and patient input for diagnosis since the brain cannot be monitored with an outside device.
• Treating the whole person
• A balanced perspective must include physical, emotional and spiritual causes and cures
• Blaming the depressed person can be detrimental to recovery [over spiritualization or condemnation]
Focusing on the "software"
• We have limited control over physical causes but we can change what we think and believe
3. The Agony of the Soul
"Hardware" (brain) vs. "Software" (mind)
• The brain records input from the external world through the five senses (hardware)
• The mind compiles and interprets the data (software)
• Past experience affects our world view and attitudes about life
• Beliefs systems are formed which affect how we respond
• Without the Gospel we would just be a product of our past, but when we are born again we become a new creation
• As Christians, we have new internal input (the Spirit of truth leads us into all truth that sets us free)
• Emotions are primarily a product of our thoughts
• How we feel is determined by what we believe
• Beliefs must be examined in a biblical worldview and true perspective of God
• How we feel affects how we act
• Taking every thought captive and examining it in the light of truth
4. Overcoming Hopelessness
• The lie of hopelessness
—Hope is the anchor of our soul (Heb. 6:17-19)
—False perceptions affect outlook
• Hope is the present assurance of some future good
—Hope is like the parent of faith
—Hope in God does not disappoint
• Challenges to hope
• Hope makes the difference, maintain hope in times of trial:
—Fix your eyes on Jesus, author and finisher of our faith
—Hope in God, not circumstances
—Truth begins with truth about God
Dealing with Loss, Chapter 8
a.Preparing for Impermanence
Hope is not in permanence or lack of trials & tribulations. Hope lies in the proven character that comes from persevering through them. Likewise, hope is not in preservation (or protection) of physical bodies, but in the resurrection.
How does a perspective of impermanence, rather than permanence help you to cope in times of crisis?
b. Stages of Grief (see page 216)
Grief and reactive depression can arise from any crisis that interferes with well-intentioned or meaningful plans. Hope is in the finished work of Christ.
Those who find their identity, security and sense of worth in the natural order of things will lose it. Destructive reactive depression signifies an over-attachment to people, places, ideas and things that we have no right or ability to control.
In what way is it helpful to see the cycle of the stages of grief?
c. Explanatory Styles (Why some recover faster than others)
1. The difference is in the way we perceive events that befall us. We interpret trials and tribulations through the grid of our previous learning experiences. We attempt to explain what happened and why it happened. How we explain difficult circumstances and painful events is drawn from our beliefs about God, ourselves, others and the way we think the world works.
2. We come to a crossroads: we can believe the situation is permanent and resign, or see it as impermanent and accept it, saying “I can’t change what happened, but by the grace of God, I can change myself. I can come through this crisis a better person.” How we respond to loss determines whether the crisis makes us or breaks us.
3. Pervasiveness is projecting the experience of loss onto every area of life.
(“My whole life is ruined”) vs. (“I am experiencing a loss in an area of my life”)
If we think our problems will negatively affect us all our lives, then we will become pessimistic, believe that the situation is hopeless and consequently feel depressed.
Since thoughts are beliefs and beliefs affect feelings, in what ways do pervasive thoughts affect your outlook and thereby feelings?
d. Getting out of the Rut
Perspective needs to change (which affects beliefs) from…
Personal: “I’m the problem” to Impersonal: “It’s a problem”
Pervasive: “In everything” to Specific: “In this one thing”
Permanent: “Forever” to Temporary: “For a season”
What other thoughts or feelings are attached to personal, pervasive and permanent modes of thinking listed above?
What other thoughts or feelings are attached to impersonal, specific and temporary modes of thinking listed above?
e. Losses: Are they real, imagined or threatened? First step is to define the crisis and put it into the proper perspective.
Would there be any difference in the experience of loss whether real or imagined?
Would there be any difference in the feelings associated with an imagined or threatened loss once it is looked at with a realistic perspective?
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