Twin Cities Support Groups

http://www.mentalhealthmn.org/index.asp?Type=B_BASIC&SEC={A133E048-EB1E-446C-9443-0D2FCCDCCA3A}&DE={D6C99522-F82A-43D2-811E-EC47CBA58B00}

Twin Cities support groups via the link above

NAMI support groups

http://www.namihelps.org/support/support-groups.html

NAMI support groups listed from the link above.

Nationwide Support Group Finder

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=support_findsupport

Use the link above to find a support group in your state.

New Links Added in the Right Column

Check out the new links listed to the right. There is an online forum for depression/anxiety issues that has a live chat feature. While searching for local support groups, I came across some other helpful links as well.

Fresh Start Life Groups

https://freshwaterchurch.ctsmemberconnect.net/home-ctrl.do?view=3&grpId=21915

Sheaves of Joy support group at Fresh Start is currently not in session. In the fall, I plan to start the group up again with a book discussion on The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee.

14 weeks, first night for introductions and book distribution.
Chapter Titles:
1. The Light Comes On
2. The Origin of the Search
3. The Performance Trap
4. God's Answer: Justification
5. Approval Addict
6. God's Answer: Reconciliation
7. The Blame Game
8. God's Answer: Propitiation
9. Shame
10. God's Answer: Regeneration
11. Agent of Change
12. Guilt versus Conviction
13. The Trip In

I've been attending Life Recovery 12-step group. Normally associated with alcohol and drug addiction support, this group is for anyone struggling with a life issue. The steps can be applied in any life crisis where life has become unmanageable. I find it very helpful. Life Recovery is one of the Fresh Start Groups that will continue to meet throughout the summer.

Monday Night Support Groups at Evergreen

http://www.evergreencc.com/support_recovery/index.shtml

Evergreen's support ministry is no longer called Soul Renewal, but is under the Monday Nights at Evergreen activities.

Monday Nights at Evergreen are filled with hope.
This all-location event includes tools and people to help us get back and stay "on track" in life. We meet weekly from 7:00-8:30 PM through May 2009 in Evergreen-Bloomington's North Hall (Door H) at 2300 East 88th Street Bloomington. Childcare is provided for kids too young for the Job Group.

OUR PURPOSE
Our purpose is to provide support for those seeking freedom from self-destructive lifestyles. We provide a safe place to learn of deliverance and God’s healing power in weekly meetings run by those who are in recovery from the same self-destructive tendencies. We seek to provide ongoing support and growth opportunities for those who are recovering, ensuring continued growth toward integrity in all areas of life.

WHO WE ARE
Those of us who are involved in this program have struggled with issues such as drug addiction, alcoholism, pornography, gambling, uncontrollable anger/fear, depression, and eating disorders. We had tried to change our ways and did better for a while, then we went back to our old ways, if not worse. Cleaning up one area just led to new trouble somewhere else in our lives. We could not change on our own. By recognizing our powerlessness over our tendencies and turning our lives and wills over to God, we were able to begin a lasting process of recovery. Meeting weekly, we make the effort to support each other as we recover from addictive and codependent lifestyles.

STEPS
The Steps to Sanity program is a simple “12 Step” program of recovery. We recognize that lifestyle changes require a process (steps) and generally do not occur instantaneously. By utilizing steps that have worked for thousands of people over the years, we see results that go beyond freedom from alcoholism or drug addiction. These steps start with acknowledging that we have a problem too big for ourselves – problems that we have not been able to control or fix. They go on to point out that only a power greater than ourselves can deliver us, and that God could and would if He were sought. The program goes on to focus on living life in communion with God. These steps move us to integrity in all areas of our lives and result in spiritual growth. This growth creates peace, serenity, joy, and most importantly, a stronger personal relationship with God and others.

Steps to Sanity
7:00-8:30 PM through May 2009 in Evergreen-Bloomington's North Hall (Door H) at 2300 East 88th Street Bloomington
(just south of the Mall of America)

Bridges at Stone Creek

http://www.bridgesatstonecreek.com/

Bridges at Stone Creek is intensive outpatient mental health therapy by Northland Counseling in Chanhassen Minnesota.

I recently went through Bridges at Stone Creek and found it extremely helpful. The program runs anywhere from 12 to 20 days depending on the needs of the individual. Bridges works in conjunction with Northland Counseling and Stone Creek Psychiatry. Many people who go through the program see a counselor at Northland and are assessed by a psychiatrist from Stone Creek Psychiatry.

Those who enter Bridges often come into the program after having a mental health crisis. This intensive treatment gives ample time and resources for healing and recovery. Aftercare groups meet on Thursdays from 5:30-7:30p.m. at Bridges.

The program is structured into three sections with breaks between each. The first session is group therapy which goes from 9:00-10:30a.m. This group is very helpful especially for those who have been isolated in their emotional struggle.

The second session from 10:30-11:30a.m. is led by Hal Baumchen, co-author of Finding Hope Again. Hal covers information that is helpful in understanding mental health issues, relationships, and communication.

The third session raps up the day at 12:30p.m. and offers life skills for distress management. These are skills that can be learned for managing anxiety and depression.

Covered by most health insurance, this program is an excellent choice of treatment for mental health in a warm, friendly atmosphere.

Where is God in the Wilderness?

This is something I wrote in my journal Sept. 17th 2004.

Where is God in the Wilderness?
Where you need Him the most.

When you trudge along and have to stop to take a rock out of your shoe. He is the rock you sit on to rest while you get out the thing that's been irritating you. God was in the resting place.

When it's been a hectic day and everything went wrong and you need some peace or you'll go mad, you open the window to get some air and are surprised at what you don't hear. No dog barking, no cars driving by, no airplanes overhead—just the sound of the wind in the trees and crickets. You take a deep breath and decide to enjoy the moment as a gift from God. Then a dog barks, a car drives by, and an airplane flies overhead. But that was your moment. God was in the silence.

It's hot in the desert place. You keep moving forward because you don't know what else to do. But you're getting weary. You're about to faint when a cool breeze blows in from the north and a gentle rain begins to fall. God was in the refreshment.

You are going through a "dark night of the soul." You are tired of struggling and feeling all alone. Just as you think you can't go on another day, the phone rings. It's a friend feeling led to pray for you. God was in the encouragement.

I've come out of the wilderness with compassion for those children of God who have lost their way and for those who don't know God's forgiveness. And with a vision for ministry. A vehicle. God's holy taxi :) to take people from the dark places into the presence of God.

To hear God in the wilderness we have to come to the end of ourselves by seeing what's in our heart and then watch, wait and listen.

He will be where you need Him the most at the time.

Finding Hope Again mid session recap...

Mid session recap of chapters 1-5 of Finding Hope Again 8-part series.
We are currently half way through the 8-part series of Finding Hope Again by Neil Anderson and Hal Baumchen.

All of you have not been able to attend all four previous lessons, so here is a recap of what we've covered so far.

The first three chapters set the foundation for the entire session, beginning with identifying what depression is and how it affects body, soul and spirit. An important part of the foundation is understanding how depression affects the body and the difference between brain vs. mind.

Chapter four entitled "Overcoming Hopelessness" establishes hope as the anchor of our soul and clearly outlines our identity in Christ, which is crucial to developing a perspective based on the truth of God's Word.

Chapter 5 and 6 were not part of the video series so we've skipped those chapters in the book in our discussion, but they are very important chapters entitled: Knowing Your Heavenly Father and Knowing Yourself.

Chapter 8 is Dealing with Loss. I found this chapter extremely helpful. It explains how to get out of the rut of the cycle of grief. As this book has shown by building a foundation from the beginning, thoughts must change in order for feelings to change. Beliefs set up a foundation for how we respond and interact in the world and people around us. This chapter reveals the key: perception. In any crisis, the first step is to define the crisis and put it in the proper perspective.


1. The Agony of Depression
The scope of the problem is identified as a sad epidemic, the common cold of mental illness. At the time of publishing, 10 million people in the U.S. suffer with depression and increasing at an alarming rate.
• Depression is a complex physical, emotional and spiritual struggle.
• A balanced treatment examines all three areas. Christian support is more common today than it use to be. Christians need not feel ashamed or guilty for having these feelings.
• Depression is defined and physical symptoms are identified
• Mental and emotional symptoms are identified
• Depression self-diagnosis chart
• Emotional pain as a warning signal to "check under the hood" to see what's wrong

2. The Agony of the Body
Faith does not contradict science
• We are triune beings (body, soul, spirit) created in God's image
• The brain is basically meat, it functions like computer hardware
• The mind is a product of the soul, it functions like software you load onto the hardware
• Medication can help, but only treats the physical aspect of our being (body)
• Sometimes medication may be necessary in order to function properly and/or be able to think clearly enough to address possible causes
• There is no "magic" pill. Medication needs vary with each individual. Doctors rely on documented results and patient input for diagnosis since the brain cannot be monitored with an outside device.
• Treating the whole person
• A balanced perspective must include physical, emotional and spiritual causes and cures
• Blaming the depressed person can be detrimental to recovery [over spiritualization or condemnation]
Focusing on the "software"

• We have limited control over physical causes but we can change what we think and believe


3. The Agony of the Soul
"Hardware" (brain) vs. "Software" (mind)
• The brain records input from the external world through the five senses (hardware)
• The mind compiles and interprets the data (software)
• Past experience affects our world view and attitudes about life
• Beliefs systems are formed which affect how we respond
• Without the Gospel we would just be a product of our past, but when we are born again we become a new creation
• As Christians, we have new internal input (the Spirit of truth leads us into all truth that sets us free)
• Emotions are primarily a product of our thoughts
• How we feel is determined by what we believe
• Beliefs must be examined in a biblical worldview and true perspective of God
• How we feel affects how we act
• Taking every thought captive and examining it in the light of truth

4. Overcoming Hopelessness
• The lie of hopelessness
—Hope is the anchor of our soul (Heb. 6:17-19)
—False perceptions affect outlook
• Hope is the present assurance of some future good
—Hope is like the parent of faith
—Hope in God does not disappoint
• Challenges to hope
• Hope makes the difference, maintain hope in times of trial:
—Fix your eyes on Jesus, author and finisher of our faith
—Hope in God, not circumstances
—Truth begins with truth about God

Dealing with Loss, Chapter 8

a.Preparing for Impermanence

Hope is not in permanence or lack of trials & tribulations. Hope lies in the proven character that comes from persevering through them. Likewise, hope is not in preservation (or protection) of physical bodies, but in the resurrection.

How does a perspective of impermanence, rather than permanence help you to cope in times of crisis?

b. Stages of Grief (see page 216)

Grief and reactive depression can arise from any crisis that interferes with well-intentioned or meaningful plans. Hope is in the finished work of Christ.

Those who find their identity, security and sense of worth in the natural order of things will lose it. Destructive reactive depression signifies an over-attachment to people, places, ideas and things that we have no right or ability to control.
In what way is it helpful to see the cycle of the stages of grief?

c. Explanatory Styles (Why some recover faster than others)

1. The difference is in the way we perceive events that befall us. We interpret trials and tribulations through the grid of our previous learning experiences. We attempt to explain what happened and why it happened. How we explain difficult circumstances and painful events is drawn from our beliefs about God, ourselves, others and the way we think the world works.

2. We come to a crossroads: we can believe the situation is permanent and resign, or see it as impermanent and accept it, saying “I can’t change what happened, but by the grace of God, I can change myself. I can come through this crisis a better person.” How we respond to loss determines whether the crisis makes us or breaks us.

3. Pervasiveness is projecting the experience of loss onto every area of life.
(“My whole life is ruined”) vs. (“I am experiencing a loss in an area of my life”)
If we think our problems will negatively affect us all our lives, then we will become pessimistic, believe that the situation is hopeless and consequently feel depressed.
Since thoughts are beliefs and beliefs affect feelings, in what ways do pervasive thoughts affect your outlook and thereby feelings?

d. Getting out of the Rut

Perspective needs to change (which affects beliefs) from…
Personal: “I’m the problem” to Impersonal: “It’s a problem”
Pervasive: “In everything” to Specific: “In this one thing”
Permanent: “Forever” to Temporary: “For a season”

What other thoughts or feelings are attached to personal, pervasive and permanent modes of thinking listed above?

What other thoughts or feelings are attached to impersonal, specific and temporary modes of thinking listed above?


e. Losses: Are they real, imagined or threatened? First step is to define the crisis and put it into the proper perspective.
Would there be any difference in the experience of loss whether real or imagined?

Would there be any difference in the feelings associated with an imagined or threatened loss once it is looked at with a realistic perspective?

Finding Hope Again Debut A Success!

Our Jan. 6th debut of the Finding Hope Again series was an outstanding success with 13 enthusiastic people eager for the encouraging message of this series.

The first night was dedicated to an overview of Sheaves of Joy and a little background on how it got started, format and guidelines, the Growth Guide handout, a bit of my testimony, introductions, discussion and taking turns reading the introduction in the book. All within one hour! Since the turnout was so large for this series, after viewing the video teaching each week we will split up into groups of 4 or 5 for the discussion time.

It is my sincere hope that people are encouraged to know there is a place we can come together for support and to hear an encouraging and informative message to help us face our current challenges.

Since Sheaves of Joy is an ongoing support group, new people may come in at any time. Finding Hope Again is the main resource we will be using, returning to it after alternating with other resource materials. Next up in March will be a book by Robert S. McGee entitled The Search for Significance, a book all Christians would benefit from reading. It deals heavily with relationships and how they are affected by your self perception and your perception of God. This will be a book study as there is no video series that I know of to go with the book. That will allow more time for discussion and fellowship.

Sheaves of Joy meets every Tuesday evening from 7:00 - 8:30 p.m. at Freshwater Community Church 4319 Steiner Street St. Bonifacius, MN 55375 (952) 446-9090
If you'd like to attend, please RSVP to sheavesofjoy@gmail.com
http://www.freshwaterchurch.org see sheaves of joy group pages

Sheaves of Joy: Finding Hope Again series begins Jan. 6th

All are welcome to Fresh Start Life Groups!
Struggling with life issues that are out of control can feel like a lonely battle, but you’re not alone.

Fresh Start offers support groups for a variety of life issues including: divorce care, depression support, grief support, weight control, marriage building, sexual purity, addiction, codependency, childhood sexual abuse and more.

Tuesdays, 7-8:30pm, Freshwater Community Church
4319 Steiner St., St. Bonifacius
www.freshwaterchurch.org
(952) 446-9090
email: sheavesofjoy@gmail.com

child care available.
The only cost is for optional materials if applicable to the group.

Our Life Groups share a similar format and guidelines to ensure that you will have a safe and productive meeting. By sharing experiences, victories, struggles, and hopes with others who are like-minded, you will find a place of encouragement and accountability. Open to the public, come as you are. The evening begins with music, followed by Life Groups.

DEPRESSION SUPPORT GROUP: Sheaves of Joy will be presenting Finding Hope Again beginning Jan. 6th - Mar. 10th

Sheaves of Joy, a Fresh Start Life Group, is an ongoing support group for people who desire to overcome past or present personal crisis and live a happier and healthier lifestyle.

8-part video/book series
Finding Hope Again by Neil Anderson & Hal Baumchen
Begins Tuesday, Jan. 6th 2009 7:00 - 8:30 p.m.
Finding Hope Again speaks to the physical, psychological and spiritual causes and cures for depression. Far from pat answers and simplistic solutions, this book speaks to the whole person.

All are welcome.
Free child care available.

A Letter from a broken heart

Today I was pleasantly surprised by an email from someone I've never met who has written some articles posted on his website: www.gracefortheheart.org (also listed under the links section of this blog)

This article came to me in a timely moment when I needed some encouragement. I hope that it brings you some encouragement as well, just when you need it the most.

With acknowledgements to the Dear Abby column.
The rest of this article is copyrighted by David Orrison (used here by permission) – www.gracefortheheart.org

Today, 04/09/07, the following item appeared in Dear Abby. Here’s the link for the article and her answer: http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

It struck me that this is amazingly similar to stories I have heard from people who have left legalism and their faith. It seemed appropriate to rework the question from that perspective and offer it here with a special prayer for those whose hearts are still searching for the love and acceptance that the real Jesus offers.

DEAR ABBY: I recently ended a nine-month relationship with a 40-year-old man I'll call Shallow Hal. I was head over heels in love with him. We had a lot in common and our personalities were compatible, but there was one major problem. Hal loved everything about me, but his love for me was contingent upon my losing weight.

Hal told me that when I lost weight, he would treat me better, let me meet his family and introduce me to his friends. Until I did, he denied me all those things, including hugs and kisses. For nine months Hal strung me along, and I believed that losing weight would change everything and we would end up together, happily ever after.
I am currently working on my master's in counseling psychology, and I should have known better. Clearly, Hal did not accept me for who I was, and I should have ended the relationship long ago because he was not into me. Some days he didn't know if he ever wanted to get married and have kids; other days he did. He was definitely unstable.

Why did I put up with this when I was the one who did all the driving to his house and all the courting? And how do I keep all this from replaying in my mind? I hear his weight comments over and over, and it's self-destructive, but I can't seem to let it go. Why do so many women like me waste so much time on men who simply don't care? The worst part is, I still love him. Please advise me. -- HEARTBROKEN IN WEST CHESTER, PA.

Let’s rewrite this a little:

Dear “Gabby”,
I recently ended a nine year relationship with a god I used to be in love with. He told me that he loved me and I surely loved him, but then I realized that there was a problem. He loved me, but his love was contingent upon my staying away from sin and doing enough good things.

This god told me that when I had my life in better shape, he would bless me more. He would help me to fit in better with his people if I just lived more like them. Until I did, he wouldn’t let me feel acceptable or valued or loved. For nine years he strung me along, and I believed that getting my act together would make the difference and we would be happy forever.

I should have known better. Clearly this god didn’t accept me in the first place and I should have ended the relationship sooner. I never knew what he wanted from me. No matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. I would get one thing straight in my life and he would come up with something else. He was definitely unstable.

Why did I put up with this when I was the one who had to do everything? He promised so much, but I never felt the peace and welcome I needed. He gave nothing. And how do I keep all this from replaying in my mind? I hear his negative comments over and over, and it's self-destructive, but I can't seem to let it go. Why do so many people like me waste so much time on a god who simply doesn’t care? The worst part is, I still love him. Please advise me.

Heartbroken


Dear Heartbroken,
Thank you so much for being willing to face the difficult truth of your situation and writing to me about it. Over the years I have talked with many people who have gone through the same kind of thing you describe. All are hurt. All feel betrayed and used. All wish it could have worked.

First, let me tell you that there is good news. There is a God who loves you, just not the one you knew. I’ll come back to this down the line. You see, many people have been introduced to this false god. He disguises himself to look much like the true God, but he is very different in his heart. Usually those who introduce others to him are themselves deceived by him. Sometimes they even think they are gaining points with him for their evangelism. They tell you about his love, but they have never really experienced it for themselves.

There are many false gods, of course, but the one you tried to please is the one I call “performance”. The promise, as you state so well, is that love will come if your performance is good enough. However, he never tells you what “good enough” is. In fact, those who have been held up to you as examples never felt as though they were good enough either. No one wins in the performance system. No matter what you do, there will always be something more.

So why did you enter into a relationship with him in the first place? Why didn’t you see the truth? Well, there was the lie, of course. The promises of love and acceptance, forgiveness and victory, were offered as the “carrot on the stick.” He said that you could have all of that and more, but then added that little and most-powerful word – if. If you do this, then you will receive these things. Like so many others, you learned that the “if” was never fulfilled.

But there’s another reason you didn’t see him for what he was. I realize that I don’t know you, but I am confident that he was able to tap into the feelings that were already in your heart. Why did you need his love? Why did you need his acceptance? Wasn’t it because you already felt unloved and unacceptable? Maybe you have done things in your life that made you feel like you were unworthy. Maybe there have been people in your life that have made you feel unworthy. When he came along, he offered to accept you, but then he did the same thing others have done to you and you have done to yourself.

He pointed out your failures and inadequacies. You didn’t reject his opinion because it was already your opinion. It seemed right to you. Then he gave you hope that someday your inadequacies would be overcome. If you just went through the “five steps” or the “seven principles” your whole life could change. You thought he meant that your image of yourself would change. You made it through all five, or seven, or twelve, but you were still the same at the end. So you tried again, using whatever new system he gave you. Your life changed, I suppose, because eventually you had so much invested in the performance system that you could hardly imagine getting out.

Actually, Heartbroken, you are one of the lucky ones. You have seen the truth. There are many people who have never understood that the system doesn’t work. They just think they haven’t done it right. They have accepted his lies about themselves and they just keep on trying, all the while becoming more and more discouraged and tired. But not you. You got out of that relationship. Now what?

Let me tell you the good news. You see, you wanted the right thing. There is Someone who wants to give you just what your heart has needed for so long. His name is Jesus. Yes, I know that was what the other called himself and I know this will be confusing at first. Just remember that he was an imposter. The real Jesus does love you and wants to live in a good and right relationship with you forever.

Let’s start at the beginning. There is one stumbling block you will have to deal with. The false god told you part of the truth. It is truth you have known almost all of your life so it won’t be hard to accept. The only thing that will be hard to handle is admitting that, after all, it is true.

What I am talking about is the fact that you are inadequate and unworthy – on your own. You have done things that are unacceptable, things that have stained your life. After all that you have been through, you probably find that hard to hear, but you still know that it is true. The good news is that Jesus is ready and able to wash those things away forever.

Because of His great love for you, Jesus went to the cross and suffered and died. He paid the penalty for your sins. Read this carefully: that means it is done. The penalty for your sin has been paid. There is nothing more that you can do to pay for them. The debt is paid in full. That means that nothing in your past can ever be brought up again. But there’s more. It also means that nothing you do now or in the future can ever be placed on your account. In other words, Jesus has already paid for the sins you will do. Sin is no longer an issue in regards to the love He has for you or the acceptance you receive from Him.

So here’s something that may seem strange. You can never be good enough on your own, but Jesus has come to make you good enough in Him. He makes Himself responsible for your “good enough.” He loves you and He has done all that it took to make you acceptable forever.

The false god could never make you good. He could only make you think you could do things to become good on your own. So you tried and you worked hard. Jesus has given you His own goodness. He died to give you His life.

But that isn’t the end of the story. When Jesus rose from the dead, He showed all of creation that He was successful. Those who belong to Him are truly forgiven, truly restored, and truly acceptable to the Father. In Him, they have been re-created, given brand new lives. Yet, they are not sent out to “try to do better this time.” They live these new lives forever and inseparably connected to Him. He is, as He says, the Vine and they are the branches.

So, Heartbroken, you are not left alone now. You have rejected the false god, now accept the true love of the One True God, Jesus. Come to Him and find the peace and rest your heart needs. He will never tell you that you do not measure up to His standards because He takes it on Himself to make you righteous and holy. He will never make you wish for hope because He will be your Hope. He won’t ask you to make commitments and promises in order to be acceptable because He has already made the commitment and promise that has made you acceptable.

How will you get the old thoughts of the false god out of your head and heart? By believing the voice of Jesus. Read of Him in His Word and see how much He loved you. Because of Him, you are accepted forever. Because of His love, you never need to feel unloved again.

Write to me again and we will talk more of this. I just want you to know that I care and I am praying for you and so many others like you. There is hope – in Jesus.
Gabby

End note: If you are “Heartbroken” or if her story describes you, please go to http://www.billygraham.org/

Even if you have done this before, now is the time to do it again. Just walk through the simple presentation of the gospel by the Billy Graham folks and then come back to our site at http://www.gracefortheheart.org/default.asp.

Send me an email to tell me what has happened or to ask a question. I am praying for you.
- Dave

The Cost of Independence Part 2

I thought I'd share my notes of the series we're going through at Sheaves of Joy/Fresh Start. https://freshwaterchurch.ctsmemberconnect.net/home-ctrl.do?view=3&grpId=24385
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In part one of The Cost of Independence Malcolm talks about how we handle blame, some (like Adam) shift the blame onto someone else. Others, (like Eve) accept the blame and internalize it to mean they are somehow defective, do not measure up, a failure at life.

These are my notes:

(the Adam kind) Can't accept the grave of God. He lives happily with rules. Makes him feel superior. Despises non-rule keepers. "I've got it, I'm better, I'm trying and you're not" ... "I thank you, Oh God, I'm not like other men."

No one must get past my mask...know that I'm less than perfect. The Adam kind needs to be needed... Need imperfect people to prove that they're perfect. Gets buzz from being needed, helping the helpless. The "Adam" people often marry the "Eve" people. Those that feel they have no identity and live by the decisions of another, gravitate toward those that need to be needed...to control...to rescue...to fix...to make perfect. They play off each other... it's the shameful dance.

"I'll even let you hurt me if I can think that I'm helping you." It's twisted thinking. That his emotions are a reflection of your behavior.

Approval addiction. Can't say no, got to say yes to keep everyone smiling and happy. Because our identity is coming from their voice. Identity is coming from their voice instead of God's...When God speaks into you that you're loved, you're suddenly free to say "yes" or "no."

Tragedy is that his approval addiction motivation for pleasing people is mistaken for love. Their motivation isn't really love, it's fear of rejection. "I've got to do something for God to love me." (that equation basically shades all their relationships) Ultimately ends up feeling rejected by God. When you know God love you, you're service will be a response to love, not something you do to get it.

Twisted sense of responsibility...leads to resentment...because they can't say no. They have to rescue...they call it service, dedication for love of God but is it really for ourselves. Not love, love is totally for the other person. It's like a boomerang, comes back to you. God kind of love seeks not its own. .. The approval addict works to feel needed so they feel loved.

Identity is in the thanks they get. We desperately need to know the limitless, unconditional love of God, brought to us through Jesus Christ, by His spirit, fall upon us, call us into wholeness and walk back into our life as new persons.... no longer groveling, controlling, rescuing...Now expressions of God's love. His love does not seek return. He loves me whether I love Him back or not. God loves me for my sake, not His. God's is not compelled to love. He loves by choice... not out of obligation or compulsion (or guilt) It's by FREE choice.

He loves freely, without rewards. God does not seek your happiness and accept blame for your decisions (or unhappiness.) His love is not controlled by our emotions or behavior. God's love kills performance. Because our performance does not manipulate God's love -- we can't earn it.

Repentance is saying that I've been thinking I can perform to be acceptable to God and others, admitting that I've sinned and being willing to come just as I am, no excuses, or blameshifting or bargains with God.

A voice from the outside... I find my worth in what He says about me.. I realize now that I'm loved...unconditional without regard to performance.

He is my refuge, my strength, my Savior and I'm a co-worker together with Him.
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Reply to this post with your thoughts if you wish. This is not a private forum, but it is monitored.

The Cost of Independence Part 1

I thought I'd share my notes of the series we're going through at Sheaves of Joy/Fresh Start. https://freshwaterchurch.ctsmemberconnect.net/home-ctrl.do?view=3&grpId=24385
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Today, at the end of the twentieth century, the human race is still partaking of that original life...that man can find his self-worth outside of God. The New Testament describes man outside of Christ as the first Adam...those who still are partaking of the death that originated in that first choice.

Man is still listening to the voice of the creature, rather than the creator.
Searching...
Driven to make the lie work. Ashamed of not being in control outside of God, they try to neutralize the shame by seeking approval from others.

NOW TWISTED THE EQUATION OF LIFE READS:
What I do + My success at what I do + What you think of what I do = Who I am

Now my identity is tied up in my performance.
Pain of failure is tied to my identity.
Adam disassociated himself from his shame by blame-shifting.
He dumps it onto his wife.
Everyone handles blame differently. Some shift the blame, some receive it. Eve received it.

The eve way: That person feels less of a human being. Disgusted with self, hating self...waves of negative thoughts of self...unlovable, worthless, failure at life.

Driven by fear of rejection, afraid that if they are transparent they'd be abandoned. They'll be a chameleon to please others. "Because I find my identity in your smile." They hide their true selves for fear of rejection.

When you see how God loves you, you will emerge as a person and be yourself.
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Believing the Lie Part 2

I thought I'd share my notes of the series we're going through at Sheaves of Joy/Fresh Start. https://freshwaterchurch.ctsmemberconnect.net/home-ctrl.do?view=3&grpId=24385
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Last week we viewed the second part of "Believing the Lie" in the Search
for Self Worth series by Malcolm Smith.

Malcolm establishes the foundation in this series by explaining that
we were created in the image of God, to be in relationship with Him
and to function dependent upon Him. That we were made to know our
value from a voice from the outside, that voice coming from the one
who made us in His image.

But when another voice came (in the garden to the man and the woman)
casting doubt on God's character, sin came into the world and man
began to believe THE LIE that he could live independently from God.

Part two picks it up at that point.
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"There is a great longing and hunger in him [man] that only the
Infinite God can fill. He will spend all of his days searching for
someone or something in creation to fill the empty abyss within."

Adam became ashamed of his shame. "I'm supposed to be a god, and I'm
ashamed for not feeling like one."

Looking for identity and significance within himself, ashamed he can't
measure up in himself.

Under scrutiny...raw humanity open to display.
Imperfect, Lonely, Helpless, Ashamed = I'm a disappointment and a
failure and I'm ashamed.

He wants to hide, he's terrified of not being love if exposed as himself.

We hide behind masks in order to be loved. "Don't reject me, just accept me."

[because of sin] Our brain got twisted - he formed an image of God
based on how he saw himself...and built an idol our of his thoughts.
So he had to hide from God.

When God was pursuing them with unconditional love...

We've lost the meaning of unconditional love in society and thereby
our value, so we've turned to other humans and created things to fill
the void...worshiped the creature rather than the creator... (Romans 1:25)

The truth is that I am loved unconditionally, made in the image of God.
He loves me and I respond out of that love.

The Gospel restores man to being truly human - man is completed by
union with God to join as a co-worker with Him in His kingdom work.
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This concludes notes for the first chapter "Believing the Lie"
Next chapter for Tuesday, October 28, is "The Cost of Independence"
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Notes on The Search for Self Worth series: Believing the Lie, Part 1

I thought I'd share my notes of the series we're going through at Sheaves of Joy/Fresh Start. https://freshwaterchurch.ctsmemberconnect.net/home-ctrl.do?view=3&grpId=24385

Believing the Lie Part 1:

Malcolm spends quite a bit of time in the beginning of this first
chapter setting up the foundation for it.

He makes the point several ways and the point is this:
We were created to live in relationship with God -- to KNOW Him.
Humans were not designed to function apart from God.
Human love is conditional according to personal preferences.

This begins his definition of human love vs. God love: Human love is
conditional according to personal preferences,
God love is unconditional, according to WHO HE IS, not what we do.
God delights in us!

His love seeks entrance to the deepest part of our being.
Adam just knew love IS. No justificatIon necessary. It is bestowed
upon him, not something he had to earn.

We were designed to know our worth and value, the knowledge of our
identity by hearing a voice from outside of ourselves, the voice of
our creator saying "I love you and you were made in my image for me."

Made in the image of God + Loved unconditionally + Ability to respond
in relationship = Identity
Life becomes an expression that I know I'm loved.

Then ANOTHER voice came into the garden challenging God's integrity
and casting doubt about His character and the idea of independence
came in...the idea of being in control. This is the LIE.

We just barely go into that part when we had to end so we'll back it
up a bit for next week...
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Update on The Search for Self Worth series at Fresh Start

We just had our fourth night of The Search for Self Worth series by Malcolm Smith. I think last night was our most successful group. The messages have been helping several of us, lifting our spirits and encouraging our hearts. We have six nights left in this series and after the new year, we will begin the winter session with a new resource. Depending upon group preference, it will likely be either Finding Hope Again (again) by Hal Baumchen and Neil Andersen or The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee.